The Antiques Jokeshow
Q. Why do elephants paint their balls red?
A. So they can hide in cherry trees.
Q. What is the loudest noise in the jungle?
A. Giraffes eating cherry's.
Q. What do you call a donkey with one eye?
A. Winky.
Q. What do you call a donkey with one eye and three legs?
A. Winky Wonky.
What is the biggest draw back in Africa?
The elephant's foreskin.
My all time favourite offensive joke.
Why did the lesbian cross the road?
To suck my cock.
And we'll stop right there.
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A. No idea
Q. What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs
A. Still no idea
Mary had a little skirt it was split right up the sides,
Whenever she walked around, the boys could see her thighs.
Mary had a little skirt, it was split right up the front
...but she never wore that one.
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A Walk.
Q. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A a fsh.
An Englishman,Irishman and Scotsman walk into a bar, the barman turns round and says, what is this some kind of joke.
and now to really throw the spanner into the works an old joke from NI
After the Battle, Billy walked into a bar for a drink, where he see James sitting in the corner nursing his wounds, he walks over and says what-ho father in-law dont be to sore they will forget all about it in a week or two.
Special Kudos to those who get it 
Little Jack Horner sat in the corner because he had a square bum.
Q. What's big and hairy and sticks out of your pyjamas?
A. Your head.
Q. What's big and white and swings through the jungle?
A. Tarzan the fridge.
Q. What's big and white and blue and swings through the jungle?
A. Tarzan the fridge wearing a Wrangler jacket.
My all time fav offensive joke rarely told as I'm not that keen on getting my face slapped.
Q. What's the difference between a woman and a fridge?
A. A fridge doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
OK I'll get my coat.
Time flies like an arrow
Fruit flies like a banana
Q. Why are policemen always so belligerent?
A. Because all they get on their sandwiches is truncheon meat.
A drunk guy see's a nun walking down the street. He runs up to her and kicks her square between the legs. As she's screaming and rolling around on the ground, the drunk guy says,
"Aint so f*ckin' tough now, eh Batman?"
Finish these battle names
Batlle of Agin.... (court)
Battle of Water.... (loo)
Battle of Trafalgar....
(Did you say square? 
)
I did. Then it took me a minute to get it.(Hangs head in shame)
