John Cooper Clarke in london
Wow! I'm exited! The one and only John Cooper Clarke and Frank Sidebottom are coming to London.
I'm definitely going as I missed too many bands in my younger daze......
So who's up for seeing this legend? Come on boys and girls don't miss out!
Bloomsbury Theatre, London
Saturday, 30 January 2010
From 7:30pm
Price: £19.50 / £17.50 concessions
http://www.ents24.com/web/event/1868340/John_Cooper_Clarke.html
if you don't know his work, here's a sample.
The milky way she walks around
All feet firmly off the ground
Two worlds collide, two worlds collide
Here comes the future bride
Gimme a lift to the lunar base
I wanna marry a monster from outer space
I fell in love with an alien being
Whose skin was jelly - whose teeth were green
She had the big bug eyes and the death-ray glare
Feet like water wings - purple hair
I was over the moon - I asked her back to my place
Then I married the monster - from outer space
The days were numbered - the nights were spent
In a rent free furnished oxygen tent
When a cyborg chef served up moon beams
Done super rapid on a laser beam
I needed nutrition to keep up the pace
When I married the monster from outer space
We walked out - tentacle in hand
You could sense that the earthlings would not understand
They'd go.. nudge nudge ...when we got off the bus
Saying it's extra-terrestial - not like us
And it's bad enough with another race
But fuck me... a monster ...from outer space
In a cybernetic fit of rage
She pissed off to another age
She lives in 1999
With her new boyfriend - a blob of slime
Each time I see her translucent face
I remember the monster from outer space
Genius!
Just booked my tickets......hoorah!
FAR FROM CRAZY PAVEMENTS
...THE TASTE OF SILVER SPOONS
A CLINICAL ARRANGEMENT
...ON A DIRTY AFTERNOON
WHERE THE FECAL GERMS OF MR. FREUD
...ARE RENDERED OBSOLETE
THE LEGAL TERM IS NULL AND VOID
IN THE CASE OF... BEASLEY STREET
IN THE CHEAP SEATS WHERE MURDER BREEDS
SOMEBODY IS OUT OF BREATH
SLEEP IS A LUXURY THEY DON'T NEED
...A SNEAK PREVIEW OF DEATH
BELLADONNA IS YOUR FLOWER
MANSLAUGHTER YOUR MEAT
SPEND A YEAR IN A COUPLE OF HOURS
ON THE EDGE OF BEASLEY STREET
WHERE THE ACTION ISN'T
THAT'S WHERE IT IS
STATE YOUR POSITION
VACANCIES EXIST
IN AN X-CERTIFICATE EXERCISE
EX-SERVICEMEN EXCRETE
KEITH JOSEPH SMILES AND A BABY DIES
IN A BOX ON BEASLEY STREET
FROM THE BOARDING HOUSES AND THE BEDSITS FULL OF
...ACCIDENTS AND FLEAS
SOMEBODY GETS IT
WHERE THE MISSING PERSONS FREEZE
WEARING DEAD MEN'S OVERCOATS
YOU CAN'T SEE THEIR FEET
A RIFF JOINT SHUTS - OPENS UP
RIGHT DOWN ON BEASLEY STREET
CARS COLLIDE, COLOURS CLASH
DISASTER MOVIE STUFF
FOR A MAN WITH THE FU MANCHU MOUSTACHE
REVENGE IS NOT ENOUGH
THERE'S A DEAD CANARY ON A SWIVEL SEAT
THERE'S A RAINBOW IN THE ROAD
MEANWHILE ON BEASLEY STREET
SILENCE IS THE CODE
HOT BENEATH THE COLLAR
...AN INSPECTOR CALLS
WHERE THE PERISHING STINK OF SQUALOR
...IMPREGNATES THE WALLS
THE RATS HAVE ALL GOT RICKETS
THEY SPIT THROUGH BROKEN TEETH
THE NAME OF THE GAME IS NOT CRICKET
CAUGHT OUT ON ...BEASLEY STREET
THE HIPSTER AND HIS HIRED HAT
DRIVE A BORROWED CAR
YELLOW SOCKS AND A PINK CREVAT
NOTHING LA-DI-DAH
O-A-P
MOTHER-TO-BE
WATCH THE THREE-PIECE SUITE
WHEN SHITSTOPPER DRAINS
AND CROCODILE SKIS
ARE SEEN ON ...BEASLEY STREET
THE KINGDOM OF THE BLIND
...A ONE-EYED MAN IS KING
BEAUTY PROBLEMS ARE REDEFINED
...THE DOORBELLS DO NOT RING
A LIGHT BULB BURST LIKE A BLISTER
THE ONLY FORM OF HEAT
WHERE A FELLOW SELLS HIS SISTER
...DOWN THE RIVER ON BEASLEY STREET
THE BOYS ARE ON THE WAGON
THE GIRLS ARE ON THE SHELF
THEIR COMMON PROBLEM IS
...THAT THEY'RE NOT SOMEONE ELSE
THE DIRT BLOWS OUT
THE DUST BLOWS IN
YOU CAN'T KEEP IT NEAT
IT'S A FULLY FURNISHED DUSTBIN
...SIXTEEN BEASLEY STREET
VINCE THE AGEING SAVAGE
BETRAYS NO KIND OF LIFE
...BUT THE SMELL OF YESTERDAY'S CABBAGE
AND THE GHOST OF LAST YEAR'S WIFE
THROUGH A CONSTANT HAZE
OF DEODORANT SPRAYS
HE SAYS ...RETREAT
ALSATIANS DOG THE DIRTY DAYS
DOWN THE MIDDLE OF BEASLEY STREET
PEOPLE TURN TO POISON
QUICK AS LAGER TURNS TO PISS
SWEETHEARTS ARE PHYSICALLY SICK
EVERY TIME THEY KISS
IT'S A SOCIOLOGIST'S PARADISE
EACH DAY REPEATS
UNEASY, CHEASY, GREASY, QUEASY
...BEASTLY, BEASLEY STREET
EYES DEAD AS VICIOUS FISH
LOOK AROUND FOR LAUGHS
IF I COULD HAVE JUST ONE WISH
I WOULD BE A PHOTOGRAPH
ON A PERMANENT MONDAY MORNING
GET LOST OR FALL ASLEEP
WHEN THE YELLOW CATS ARE YAWNING
AROUND THE BACK OF BEASLEY STREET
LYRICS © JOHN COOPER CLARKE
My fave one apart from Beasly Streethas to be this
Kung Fu International
Outside the take-away, Saturday night
a bald adolescent, asks me out for a fight
He was no bigger than a two-penny fart
he was a deft exponent of the martial art
He gave me three warnings:
Trod on me toes, stuck his fingers in my eyes
and kicked me in the nose
A rabbit punch made me eyes explode
My head went dead, I fell in the road
I pleaded for mercy
I wriggled on the ground
he kicked me in the balls
and said something profound
Gave my face the millimetre tread
Stole me chop suey and left me for dead
Through rivers of blood and splintered bones
I crawled half a mile to the public telephone
pulled the corpse out the call box, held back the bile
and with a broken index finger, I proceeded to dial
I couldn’t get an ambulance
the phone was screwed
The receiver fell in half
it had been kung fu’d
A black belt karate cop opened up the door
demanding information about the stiff on the floor
he looked like an extra from Yang Shang Po
he said “What’s all this then
ah so, ah so, ah so.”
he wore a bamboo mask
he was gen’ned on zen
He finished his devotions and he beat me up again
Thanks to that embryonic Bruce Lee
I’m a shadow of the person that I used to be
I can’t go back to Salford
the cops have got me marked
Enter the Dragon
Exit Johnny Clarke
Evidently chickentown.
So do we have feedback on this, would love to have gone but January is a long month. Was he good?
IT WAS FAB! And I got to shake Frank Sidebottom's hand, AND he did an impromptu extra 20 minutes on the steps of the theatre, to the amazement of passers by!
